Over the years, cultural transformations in attitude and conduct have redefined the meaning of marriage. As a result, the stigma that once surrounded divorce has been normalised and almost non-existent in some circles. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that has grown dramatically, with a greater emphasis on individual fulfillment and happiness.
On Madaraka Day this year, President Uhuru Kenyatta expressed concern on the rise of single-parent families in the country.
“It is also important to emphasise the threat to our traditional values and the family as the fundamental unit of our society. The changing face of the Kenyan family is reflected in the 2019 National Census, which shows that single-parent families increased from 25.1 per cent in 2009 to 38.2 per cent in 2019,”Kenyatta said.
However, divorce is becoming increasingly widespread in today’s society. It’s not uncommon to read headlines on our social media feeds, news networks, and television on our favourite celebrity couples calling it quits.
Taking a closer look at the divorce rate in the country, more and more couples are openly admitting their marriages have failed as they embrace separation and divorce.
Is divorce and separation on the rise one wonders?
Speaking to The Informer, Ethics and Moral Enthusiast, Ambaisi Masai said that he does not advocate for divorce but rather for separation. He feels divorce is final and there is usually no room reconciliation unlike separation.
“In circumstances of persistent adultery, violence, denial of conjugal rights or abuse, it is prudent to take a break. Continuing in such a relationship can lead to depression, loss of self-esteem, sexually transmitted infections or death in extreme cases. Such results are not good,” advises Masai.
He further stated that it is sometimes wise to quit when either party neglects all the fundamental areas in the marriage or relationship.
“If you have done everything possible to initiate positive change with no success, and you feel weaker and vulnerable every year that passes, divorce might be a good decision,” Masai said.
It is, however, frustrating when a relationship is unhealthy because one party gives selflessly while the other party is not committed to bettering the union . A marriage should never diminish us, but should be mutually nurturing.
The terms ‘baby daddy’ and ‘baby mama’ have become common in this generation. To the uninitiated, they refer to a man and woman respectively who one has a child or children with but is not married to them. In most cases baby mamas raise their children on their own.
Some men attribute this lack of assuming responsibility to women expecting ‘baby girl’ treatment from men who seem to think that this is not something they are willing to do.
Women on the other end feel it is just an excuse from irresponsible men who do not want to be held accountable for their actions.
However, there is a notable rise of women who are left raising children on their own after relationships crumble.
Meanwhile, the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics (KNBS) recorded a five-year surge in divorce cases. More than 17 per cent of marriages ended in divorce in 2020, according to data.
What are the main reasons couples divorce?
Experts cite the following reasons as some of the common causes of divorce:
- Conflict, arguing, irretrievable breakdown in the relationship
- Lack of commitment
- Infidelity / extramarital affairs
- Distance in the relationship / lack of physical intimacy
- Communication problems between partners
- Domestic violence, verbal, physical, or emotional abuse by a partner
- Realisation that one’s spouse has different values / morals
- Substance abuse / alcohol addiction
- Absence of romantic intimacy / love
- One partner not carrying their weight in the marriage
- Financial problems / debt
- Marrying too young
- Lack of shared interests / incompatibility between partners