A few weeks ago, a male friend of mine invited me for a drink after work. I was excited at the prospect of meeting his friends, especially because I wanted to pick their minds on a topic I was working on.
I had had the opportunity to meet a few other groups and had gathered quite a bit of information. The five men were equally excited at having some feminine energy disrupting their sausage fest.
With all the buzz that has been ongoing about ‘how good’ Ugandans are good in bed, it was important to have this conversation with men, especially men who had worked or visited Uganda and those who had intimately been involved with these girls.
“Oh, add the Rwandese women to your list,” Ken chipped in. Hmmm… I feigned surprise but of course I had heard about the beautiful women from Rwanda and the submissive women from Uganda who had managed to knock our men’s socks off.
Over the years as I interviewed various groups of men or interacted with male friends, it was constantly repeated in different circles about how good the Ugandan and Rwandese women were in bed.
Our women on the other hand have always wanted to know if there is a leaf or two we could borrow from the Ugandan girl’s sex book.
Since time immemorial, black women’s sexuality and pleasure have been neglected and shamed and she has been socialised to pleasure her man, never herself.
In many African communities, female sexuality has been restricted and controlled by men, which has birthed the dominant narrative that sex is something women give and men take.
As a result, in most African countries, focus is centred on the man’s pleasure while women are mostly viewed as baby-making machines. Little wonder that women are usually taught how to please their men and rarely vice versa.
Some cultures have Ssengas (sex aunties) who train the young women on how to pleasure their men sexually.
The Baganda people of Uganda and the Rwandese still practice elongation of the labia minora, which is meant to enhance sexual pleasure for both sexes.
Though the practice is classified as Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) by the World Health Organsiation (WHO), it is still rampant among the Baganda community and is a mandatory rite of passage referred to as ‘visiting the bush’, which identifies membership of the tribe.
As we carry on with our conversation, it is evident that what our men praise in the Ugandan and Rwandese women might be the benefits of sex information and awareness passed down generations.
“These women don’t just give you sex; they give you a sexual experience!” one of the men offered excitedly. “Back home our women just have sex for the sake.”
At this juncture I was all ears and wanted to understand what in their experience was so spectacular about the Ugandan and Rwandese experience.
I was convinced it was just probably the thrill of a new adventure; something not the usual perhaps.
The men though insisted it had more to do with an experience they weren’t accustomed to.
Anthony, who had recently come back home from Uganda could not stop talking about the Ugandan women.
“They treat you with utmost respect from your first encounter with her. When you visit her at her house, she will first ensure that you are comfortable.
She wants to know if you have eaten, she will take off your jacket, some even give you a light massage before any intimacy.”
Kim’s account of his visit to Kigali was similar to Anthony’s experience as he went on and on about a woman who gives a whole new meaning to the word sex. “For her, sex is not a duty. She gives of herself selflessly.”
But why so many accolades? Are Rwandese and Ugandan women the real deal or is it just a case of stolen waters tasting sweetest?
Maurice Matheka, a Nairobi based Sex & Relationship Therapist, says that most of our Kenyan women have sex with their corporate mind; they do not know how to separate the boardroom from the bedroom.
“Most of our women have too many holdbacks. She will be there thinking that she has to act a certain way as she is a CEO, a top government official or a sales executive,” says Matheka.
Most are concerned about whether their boobs are sagging, or whether the man will like the size of her clit or probably just thinking about the next day’s board meeting,” he says.
On the other hand, her counterparts from Rwanda and Uganda have no inhibitions. “They are willing to explore and give it to you as it should be without conditions. It doesn’t matter if the sex is sweaty, hot, passionate or rough, she is always game,” notes Matheka.
“Most Kenyan women overthink every step of the way, which kills the mood. Your man will not share this with you because often times it will result in a long conversation culminating into a fight. Unfortunately, most men will opt for the easier way out,” notes the sex therapist.
“The few times we come close to a sexual experience is when one takes a woman on a weekend escapade. The men who take their girlfriends to Naivasha or Nanyuki will probably tell you they had a sexual experience.
That is about the closest to a Ugandan/Rwandese experience because she most probably has no inhibitions,” says the sexologist.
Unfortunately, if you meet this same woman in course of the week, she is back to her usual ‘corporate self’, which means the sex is usually tied to conditions, Matheka says.
A woman who gives you a sexual experience will not be afraid to let you know she enjoyed the sex.
“Here’s my number, can call me next time you are in town,” she will say. This takes the pressure off the experience and puts the pressure on the man who will be sure to look for her the next opportune time.
I’m curious and ask Matheka what is so special about the ‘Naivasha woman’ or the ‘Ugandan woman’. What does she do differently? “If you are having sex with a man, you have to understand a man’s mind,” he says.
“Sex between most couples is monotonous and obligational. What happened to that woman who used to be naughty, playful and free-spirited?
We have taken the fun aspect out of sex and replaced it with a tedious chore. That’s why it is boring,” explains Matheka.
But what makes the Ugandan woman tick? The Ugandan woman has mastered the art of engaging her man sexually and her bedroom prowess supersedes her.
Most of the men we talked to say these women are trained to please their men, which puts them ahead of the pack.
“Once you have sex with a Kenyan woman, the pressure starts… Babe, what are we?” notes Matheka.
“A sexual experience is more forthcoming and the woman does not suppress who she is. Her confidence in knowing she is enough takes you in. She is a woman who is willing to explore.”
Ugandan women are also known for their ‘submissiveness’ of bowing before their men and treating him ‘like a king’, a trait Matheka says entices the Kenyan man because it’s part of a thrill he’s not used to.
“It’s exciting at first but can quickly grow old, especially because she is not your servant but partner. As much as it is her culture, I would encourage her to balance it out,’ he says.